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February 6, 2009
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Allergies by clearkid Allergies by clearkid
Poor Kek, always sent flying. Cx

So, I have to send in either this panel or the umbrella one [link] for my college application. I think this one has a better range of motion, but I'm not sure the message is as clear. Opinions?

Chitto and Kek (c) clearkid

For the glory of God!
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:iconhelagon:
Helagon Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2009
I love these, they're so cute and amazing!

What do you mean, they're going into you're college application? :? I'm a bit confuddled!
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:iconclearkid:
clearkid Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2009  Professional Filmographer
Thanks.

Well, being an art major, some of the colleges require a portfolio of pictures to go along with the application. They want to see if you can actually draw. One specifically asked for original cartoons in action, so that's what I made this for. :)
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:iconlizwuzthere:
lizwuzthere Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2009  Professional Digital Artist
Gee, :iconcloudmonkey: pretty much already said any sort of critique I could give you ^^;
Your sketches look great though. Good job. :nod:
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:iconclearkid:
clearkid Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2009  Professional Filmographer
xD
Thanks.
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:iconcloudmonkey:
cloudmonkey Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2009
In panels 2 and 3, I think the movement would be better if it was a little more exaggerated. The "pre-sneeze" pose I think, in a cartoon, should really look like he's taking a GIANT breath (because he is pretty big). This can be portrayed by inflating his chest and giving more "bend" to his form. Then, when the sneeze comes, really throw him down and let all of that air out of his chest. Also, in the first panel, you might want to bring his hands up closer to his face. I love that they're clasped together, but at that level, it looks like he's waiting for the bus. You want his body to be saying "ah what a great smelling flower", am I correct? This can be better shown by shrugging the shoulders (since he's inhaling) and bringing the hands up to a more "excited" place.

Also, the bird thing in panels two and three, looks tacked on. What I mean by that is, he's obviously friends with the bear monster, that's why he brought him the flower, yes? Then why is he just staring at the ground? When the viewer sees the bird, and sees he's staring at something, as in panel 2, the viewer is going to subconciously be curious and try to see what it is. Then he'll see nothing. (I can see that the bird is looking at the monster in the 3rd panel, which would be really helpful if this was a really confusing layout. But imagine if this cartoon was going into, say, a newspaper, and it was changed to a horizontal layout. the effect is null)

I think, you should get the panel 2 bird to watch the monster, then in panel 3, have that "omg wtf" look as he is sent flying away.

I have some more thoughts that would probably help, but I've spammed your piece enough. If you want some more advice you can ask a pm.

Gr8 rough copy though XD!
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:iconclearkid:
clearkid Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2009  Professional Filmographer
Wow, that has to be the largest comment I've ever had, and it's insightful, thank you. <3
Actually I noticed after I had posted it and took another look that he has no lungs. I should probably fix that.

Actually I was thinking in the second panel that kek (the bird) is trying to brace herself against the vacuum effect happening. Maybe I should close both her eyes though.

I agree on the omgwtf face though. xD

More thoughts? O__o
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:iconcloudmonkey:
cloudmonkey Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2009
Well, since it's for your college app, I'm rooting for you XD!

For panel two, you want to make sure that both characters are in sync. If she's trying not to be sucked into the monsters inhalation, you want to make sure that, A) she's bracing herself, maybe shielding herself with a wing and B) the bear monster is inhaling strong enough to cause such a wind.

Another option would be to have kek watching the bear-thing, sort of confused and curious at why he's doing that. I think that's the better option because for one, it makes kek look super cute and builds anticipation. The audience knows that flower+enormous "aaaaaahhh" = "choo" and comic hilarity. Make kek the clueless patsy. Why? because if the audience knows what's going to happen, and the bird knows what's going to happen, there's not as much anticipation.

Of course, you're the artist so it's up to you to make the right choice XD. Whatever you choose though, make sure it's actually happening in the world you've created.

Another thing, is the size of the panels. You want to make sure that you emphasize the size of the characters. If you crop the panels so that, for example, the bear monster is just barely fitting inside the box, he'll look a lot bigger. Leave the extra space for kek and she'll look smaller and more balanced.

One last tip, and I don't know if this is in the rules (rules don't exist for me so i always ignore them XD) for your submission, but if you made kek fly out of the panel, maybe halfway out of the bottom left corner, it would seal the deal. If you break it down like a joke, it would be,

kek gives bearmonster a flower

the pollen makes him start a sneeze

the sneeze is so big that it sends kek flying.

here we see the set-up, the anticipation and finally the punchline. if you were to emphasize the punchline, it would really make your submission stand out and add a touch of professionalism.

sorry for running on and on like that, but like i said, I'M ROOTING FOR YOU XD
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:iconsailorsun546:
SailorSun546 Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
EW GERMS! :noes:

Hmm, personnaly, I kinda like the umbrella one best, but this one is still just as adorable. :)
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:iconclearkid:
clearkid Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2009  Professional Filmographer
Whirlwind.
Thanks for the input. :)
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